Kinks VS Fetishes: Learn More From a Female Pleasure Expert

A New Self-Care Series, Brought to You by The Female Sex (Education)

My ‘Female Pleasure is Self-Care’ Series is going to be made up of Live Sessions, which you can attend every Monday at 10pm GMT on the Diem app to receive personalised female sexual pleasure and sexual confidence tips! Female pleasure is self-care, so I want to do everything that I can to help you experience this for yourself: so come and talk to me every Monday at 10pm GMT on Diem, for your weekly dose of female sexual empowerment, as part of your self-care routine. If you missed one of the Sessions, don’t worry: a recap of each Session will be posted here, on the Diem Blog, and also in The Female Sex (Education) Space on Diem. You can read below for a recap of the first Session of this Series!

Session One ‘Female Pleasure is Self-Care: Kinks VS Fetishes’ Recap

Have you been fantasising about that ponytail pull for the past week? Have you found yourself saying to someone that you want doggy but, deep down, you really just want them to lick and suck your toes and legs? Whether it’s having your ponytail pulled or your toes sucked and your legs licked, or something else, whatever it is you sexually desire, if you are wanting to understand/ explore your sexual desires, one thing that can help you with this is understanding what KINKS and FETISHES are and, also, what the difference is between them! You may even realise: ‘ohh, so hair pulling is my kink…’. I’ve been going on about ponytails but you can literally have a kink or fetish for almost anything!

So, if you have a kink this means that you can get sexually aroused by something that is not commonly enjoyed. So, penetrative sex or sucking dick is not a kink because these sexual activities are enjoyed by a lot of people (even though, of course, not everybody enjoys them). If you get sexual enjoyment out of bastinado— which means foot whipping (yes, this is a thing!)— this can be understood as a kink because it is not a sexual activity that people normally enjoy. (If you get sexual satisfaction out of whipping someone’s feet, this can also be considered a sadistic kink: if you are a sadist, you can get sexual gratification from inflicting pain on and/or humiliating someone. If you are like, 'wait, what?', don’t worry: I will clear this up in the recap of my second Session of this self-care series, which was on understanding BDSM— all things bondage and discipline, domination and submission, as well as sadism as masochism— so keep an eye out for that soon!)

If you have a fetish for something, this means that you can get an unusual amount of sexual pleasure or satisfaction out of this thing: more pleasure than most people could get out of that thing (that is, if they get any pleasure out of it at all). Just to clarify, when I say ‘an unusual amount of sexual pleasure or satisfaction’, I do not mean this in a negative way AT ALL (as in weird): I mean this purely in the sense that, when you have a fetish for something, the amount of pleasure and satisfaction that you can get out of this ‘thing’ is so much more than people would usually get from this.

This ‘thing’ could be an object, a part of the body, an activity, item of clothing, and so on. Also, this ‘thing’ can even be something that isn’t usually associated with being sexual. For example, it can be feet: if you have a foot fetish, it means that the amount of sexual gratification you can get out of looking at/ sucking/ licking feet— or whatever it is you enjoy about feet— is a lot more than most people would usually get from feet. Foot fetishes are actually much more common than you would think! To use another example, I have a fetish for skin fades… some of you may be like, what the fuck, how is that sexual? But, for me, if a man that I am attracted to has a skin fade, I can get so sexually aroused by just looking at the back of his neck and head. (Since a kink is when you can get sexually aroused by something that is not commonly enjoyed— and, obviously, a skin fade is not something that is commonly enjoyed in a sexual way— my thing for skin fades can be classified as both a fetish and a kink!)

Sorry to make this about ponytails again, but let’s use another example: if someone sexually enjoys holding and pulling back a woman’s ponytail— let’s say, during doggy— this can be considered their kink because it is not something that is typically enjoyed by most people (although, obviously, hair pulling is a much more common kink than, say, bastinado). If someone gets a LOT of sexual enjoyment and satisfaction from holding and pulling back a woman’s ponytail during sexual activity— and even from just looking at a woman when she has her hair up in a ponytail— we can say that that person has a fetish for looking at and pulling women’s ponytails.

So, ultimately, a kink is the enjoyment of an unconventional sexual preference or sexual activity, whereas a fetish is about the amount of sexual pleasure—that you can get from something— being unconventional.

Remember, always, that female pleasure is self-care and that the sexual relationship that you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have in your life.

The Female Sex (Education)