Welcome to Sex and the Cite, which is, obviously, a pun on Carrie Bradshaw’s column, ‘Sex and the City’ (from the TV Series, Sex and the City)! I have substituted the word ‘city’ with ‘cite’ because in each article I cite, and then respond to, something that has been said about female sexuality: this could be a citation/ quotation which I have taken from a sex podcast, an article, a sexfluencer, Sex and the City itself—from anywhere— or it could even be one of your questions which you have sent in to me on the Diem app. The aim of my column is to initiate a conversation around female sexuality in a way that will help you to understand that female sexual pleasure is self-care. As we progress throughout the weeks, you will learn sexual tips and knowledge that can promote your sexual pleasure, confidence, self-love, and wellbeing.
Just as you can have skincare products in your bedroom or bathroom and can regularly put moisturiser/ serum/ facial oil/ exfoliators and/ or other products on your face, as part of your self-care and skincare routine, you can also have pleasure products inside your bedroom and regularly put them on/ in your pussy as part of your self-pleasure and self-care routines. When it comes to self-care pleasure products, Onna Lifestyle— a female sexual pleasure and sensuality brand, which sells gemstone pleasure products— clarifies that,
‘Onna toys are meant to fully relax the body, release tension, open the body to feeling more pleasure and retrain an orgasmic sensitivity. Gemstone pleasure toys are the highest form of luxury and self-care’.
So, I want to share with you my personal experience of adding Onna's gemstone pleasure toys into my bedroom, my pussy, and my self-pleasure and self-care practices. All of you know what vibrators are and many of you will have one (or more) of them in your bedrooms. Not many of you will have known that non-vibrating gemstone pleasure toys even exist, let alone have one in your bedrooms.
Before I knew about the existence of these toys, I used to think that vibrators were the ‘go-to’ self-pleasure product. But then I saw this crystal dick on Instagram one morning: tapping my finger onto this dick and then onto other gemstone dildos that came up on my screen, I was introduced to the fact that not only do gemstone sex toys in the shape of a penis exist but, also, that there are so many other types of gemstone pleasure toys that you can put inside your pussy to self-pleasure (and, in fact, the non-phallic design of Onna's gemstone pleasure toys is intentional).
My Jessica Rabbit vibrator broke in the bath last year. Having no other vibrator to use, I started experimenting with a non-vibrating, 100% pure gemstone pleasure toy. Jessica Rabbit is now in the bin and I can honestly say that I don’t feel a need or desire to buy another vibrator again. Using gemstone pleasure toys in my pussy has dramatically improved my self-pleasure experiences and my sexual relationship with myself: allowing me to experience new, mind-blowing pleasurable sensations as well as new bodily orgasms centred from erogenous zones other than my vagina and clitoris (eg my legs… I will talk to you about this another time).
Personally, I love Onna's gemstone pleasure toys and have used the Onna Raven Curve and the Onna Raven Wave (which are both made of black obsidian gemstone). So, if you are looking to buy new self-pleasure products to improve your self-pleasure experiences, I can only say good things about these ones!
So, What Exactly is a Gemstone Pleasure Toy?
High quality gemstone pleasure toys are constituted purely of 100% natural gemstone from the earth. (The type of gemstone used can vary: you can get gemstone toys in black obsidian; white marble; pink aventurine; and so on. Click here to find out which gemstone Onna uses). Gemstone pleasure products are designed and carved to help stimulate pleasurable sensations when you use them sensually on/ inside yourself.
They also come in different sizes, thicknesses, (phallic and non-phallic) shapes, and curvatures. You can also get gemstone pleasure wands that have been curved and ergonomically designed to align with the natural curvature of the vagina. Most gemstone wands that you can put inside your vagina come with two different sides— for example, you can get ones that have a bulbous, thicker end on one side and that curve into a tapered end (tapered means a reduction in thickness towards one end) on the other side (like the Onna toys in the above images)— meaning that you can use the different sides of the toy inside your pussy to experience different sensations.
Ten Benefits of Self-Pleasuring with Gemstone Pleasure Toys
1- Experience New Pleasurable Sensations
Self-pleasuring with non-vibrating gemstone pleasure wands in your pussy allows you to experience NEW sensations of pleasure, which can be felt not only in your yoni but throughout your whole body.
So many people's self-pleasure practices are orgasm-driven— we can become obsessed with focusing all our attention on, and pressuring ourselves to experience, a sensation that lasts for a few seconds— which actually can inhibit us from just fully relaxing and enjoying the process of self-pleasuring in and of itself. The whole process of using a gemstone wand inside your pussy— and every wave of pleasure that you can experience during this process— can feel sensational and orgasmic, not just the orgasms that gemstone toys can arouse.
2- Minimal Effort
Not only can you experience sensational, mind-blowing pleasure and orgasms using a non-vibrating gemstone toy in your pussy but self-pleasuring with a gemstone toy also requires zero/ minimal effort. As Onna explains,
‘[t]he weight of the stone feels amazing inside the vagina. […] When using non-vibrating toys, women often discover how little friction they require in order to feel pleasure’.
So, even just gently and slowly sliding the smooth, heavy toy inside your vagina— or simply just holding a gemstone pleasure wand still inside your pussy— can be a sensational experience and can be orgasmic.
So many people who have a yoni (the beautiful Indian Sanskrit term for the female genitalia) think that they 'need' vibrational technology on or in their yonis to feel intense pleasure, but you don’t! Our bodies are capable of experiencing waves upon waves of pleasurable sensations, without a vibrator even touching us. Think about all those sensitive nerve endings throughout our yonis: the neurological wiring of the yoni can allow us to feel sensational pleasure even from the gentlest touch! In fact, I experienced so much more pleasure throughout my whole body using gemstone pleasure wands than I have ever experienced with any vibrator!
3- Improve Sexual Comfortability with Penetration
Gemstone pleasure toys are also really good if you are not as comfortable with penetration: with them being non-vibrating and so so smooth, you can really penetrate yourself as slowly and gently as you need and you can, with each self-pleasure practice, become more and more comfortable with— and can experience more pleasure from— penetration.
4- They Can Help You to De-Stress, Relax, and (Even) Sleep Better
Through gentle penetration and slow, sensual stimulation with gemstone pleasure toys, you can also experience the relaxation side to female sexual pleasure. Usually, people understand sexual pleasure as that which is highly stimulating and arousing and think that self-pleasuring with a pleasure toy (etc) is something that you only really do when you feel really fucking horny. Yet, female sexual pleasure can also be deeply relaxing and therapeutic: so, you can also use a gemstone pleasure toy to relax the fuck out of yourself, to de-stress you and, even, to help you sleep better.
In fact, feeling relaxed whilst self-pleasuring is actually a much more important aspect to experiencing sexual pleasure than you originally may have realised: the more you relax, the more sexual pleasure you will feel (I will talk about why this is the case when it comes to female sexual pleasure in another article).
5- You Can Massage Your Pussy with Them
You can enjoy using gemstone pleasure toys as dildos or massage tools: or as both. There are gemstone toys available that have been ergonomically designed to be used as both a dildo/ pleasure wand and an effective yoni self-massage tool. (Since 'yoni' is the beautiful Indian Sanskrit term for the female genitalia, yoni self-massage literally means giving yourself a pussy massage!)
So, last time, on Sex and the Cite, I was talking to you about putting gemstone (a Gua Sha stone) on your face, and how you can give yourself a facial massage with it, as part of your self-care routine (click here for the link). This time, I’m talking to you about putting gemstone in your pussy, and how you can give yourself a yoni self-massage with it, as part of your self-care routine. (Next time, I will be talking to you in more detail about the benefits of massaging your pussy with gemstone pleasure wands that have been ergonomically designed for yoni self-massage.)
My favourite gemstone pleasure toy is the Onna Raven Curve: a black obsidian gemstone pleasure wand. It has a tapered, smooth, rock-hard end that allows you to— with minimal effort— slowly and intuitively massage and gently apply more concentrated pressure to individual zones inside the yoni. This can help to arouse/ activate and pleasure individual erogenous zones and can also help with releasing any muscular tension within the yoni (yes, we can store tension in the muscles of our yonis, just like we can in our neck muscles)!
The sensations I experienced from massaging the inside of my vagina with this non-vibrating, heavy, smooth, slick, black obsidian Curve were more pleasurable than any vaginal sensation that I had previously felt by myself, from vibrators, or from a dick. Also, when I massage my pussy with the Onna Curve before I go to sleep, not only can this arouse these pleasurable sensations but it can also be incredibly relaxing at the same time: in fact, it can be so relaxing that I regularly use it as a natural substitute for a sleeping pill!
6- Au Naturale
I’m not sure about you but, during the pandemic, I have screens and technology in my face all day: I don’t want to have to put technology in my vagina as well while I’m in bed (technology which sometimes doesn’t function when you go to use it, because you couldn’t be bothered to charge it up after your last sleep-inducing orgasm with it, so the only thing that you end up penetrating that night is your own vibrator as you insert a charger into it). It’s so refreshing stimulating yourself with something that is 100% natural and with a material that feels more sensual and smoother than artificial rubber or silicone etc.
7- Safe for Vaginal Use
(Disclaimer: please note that I am a female pleasure expert, not a medical expert, and so if you have any specific medical questions about gemstone pleasure toys, please consult your medical care provider about what is safe to put in your body.)
As Onna clarifies,
As with anything, the safety of a product depends on the quality of the product that you are buying (there are a lot of poor-quality products on the market). Just because I am talking about using gemstone toys inside your vagina, this does not mean that all gemstone materials are necessarily safe to put inside your vagina (so, please don't think you can just pick up an amethyst, chocolate opal, or diamond and put it in your vagina because it's a gemstone). If you are wanting to buy a gemstone pleasure toy, please make sure that the one you are going to buy is being sold by a company— such as Onna Lifestyle— that specialises in, and sells, high quality gemstone pleasure products that are safe for vaginal use.
‘[o]ur gemstone toys are free from toxic glue, artificial colouring & wax. We work exclusively with most durable stones that are body-safe […]. Our pleasure wands are a great toxic free alternative to plastic, rubber and coated toys that often contain chemicals, phthalates, dyes and chemical glues.’
(Click here for more information about the gemstone materials that Onna uses.)
Remember that high-quality, 100% natural gemstone pleasure toys are luxury products, so they are going to be on the more expensive side. (If you would like a discount on Onna's luxury gemstone pleasure toys, you can click this link and use the code ISABELLA with any of Onna's products.) When you buy a gemstone pleasure wand, you can see this as a long-term investment in your self-pleasure and self-care routine and, as Onna puts it, 'unlike other materials’, and unlike with technology, ‘a gemstone toy can last decades without wearing down’. (Although, don't just let the price do the talking and assume that any expensive gemstone toy is safe for vaginal use: as with anything, expensive doesn't necessarily always = safe and high quality.)
And a final note on vaginal safety and hygiene: as with any pleasure toy, please ensure that you wash your gemstone pleasure toy each time before you insert it into your vagina.
8- Temperature Play
With gemstone toys, even washing your toys can be a way to add to your pleasure! Since gemstones are natural conductors of heat, you can run them under the hot tap, for about 20 seconds, to warm them up or you can put them under a cold tap for an instant cooling effect. During cooler nights, you can even leave your gemstone pleasure toys in your bed and, when you pick them up, they can feel cold to the touch: I personally LOVE the ice cold touch of natural gemstone when I pick my toys up on cooler mornings. So, with gemstone toys, you can discover whether you prefer warmer or cooler sensations in your pussy!
Also, with gemstone being a natural conductor of heat, when you use these pleasure toys in your yoni, they can also adapt to, and retain, your body temperature!
9- Smooth and Sleek
Despite gemstone toys being literally rock hard, the incredibly smooth, sleek surface of gemstone pleasure toys means that self-pleasuring with these toys can be a much smoother, more comfortable, and gentler experience than self-pleasuring with plastic, rubber, silicon, or latex vibrators and dildos. Their beautifully smooth, polished surface means that, when your vagina is lubricated and ready to receive penetration, these pleasure toys can easily and comfortably glide in and out of you without friction and they will not irritate or hurt your vagina.
I always lubricate my vagina and the tip of my gemstone pleasure toy with sweet almond oil for an even smoother, sleeker feel and to maximise my comfort and pleasure when penetrating myself!
10- Can Re-Sensitise Your Pussy
Not only will using gemstone pleasure toys in your pussy not desensitise the sensitive erogenous zones of your yoni with harsh, vigorous vibrations, but gemstone pleasure toys can even manage to activate/ re-sensitise erogenous zones in your yoni (that had, to whatever extent, been numb/ desensitised to pleasurable stimulation). They can actually retrain your body to experience more pleasurable and orgasmic sensation from more sensual, slower, and gentler touch.
I want to clarify that I am not saying you have to throw your vibrator in the bin, like I did. If vibrators are the self-pleasure toys that you enjoy, keep on enjoying these: vibrators can, of course, feel sensational too. And, as I always say, female self-pleasure is self-care: so, however you self-pleasure is an important part of your self-care routine. What I am saying is that I think it is equally important to be aware that continuous and prolonged application of vibrators with intensely powerful and harsh vibrations on your most sensitive erogenous zones can, over time, make these zones less receptive to pleasurable stimulation that does not involve vibrational technology.
So, if using a vibrator is your only mode of self-pleasure, maybe one night you can put your vibrator on your bedside table, instead of on your pussy, and experience new sensations of pleasure— using gemstone pleasure toys— to expand your self-pleasure potential. You may even, like me, decide that you get more pleasure from— and want to permanently substitute your vibrator/s with— non-vibrating gemstone pleasure toys! Or, you may decide that you want to pick up the vibrator from the bedside table again and alternate between your vibrator and gemstone on different nights, depending on your mood.
So, whether you are wanting to use gemstone toys to experience new types of pleasurable sensation, for relaxation, re-sensitisation, arousal, self-exploration, to experience more penetrative pleasure, to improve your sexual comfortability and familiarity with your yoni and with penetration, as a natural substitute for a vibrator, to give yourself a yoni self-massage, or to help you sleep, I hope that you can benefit as much as I do from having gemstone pleasure toys in your bedroom and from implementing these toys into your self-pleasure, self-care, and (even your) sleep routines.
I’m coming back soon with: more on yoni self-massage and the benefits of massaging your pussy.
In the meantime, you can continue to build your sexual repertoire within my Community Space on Diem: The Female Sex (Education). I have also set up a 'Sex and the Cite' Chatroom in this Space so that you can respond to, or ask questions about, anything I've said here!
Remember, always, that female self-pleasure is self-care and that the sexual relationship that you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have in your life.