Thought About Foreplay as a Solo Self-Care Activity? Let a Female Pleasure Expert Enlighten You

A New Self-Care Series, Brought to You by The Female Sex (Education)

My ‘Female Pleasure is Self-Care’ Series is going to be made up of Live Sessions, which you can attend every Monday at 10pm GMT on the Diem app to receive personalised female sexual pleasure and sexual confidence tips!

Female pleasure is self-care, so I want to do everything that I can to help you experience this for yourself: so come and talk to me every Monday at 10pm GMT on Diem, for your weekly dose of female sexual empowerment, as part of your self-care routine. If you missed one of the Sessions, don’t worry: a recap of each Session will be posted here, on the Diem Blog, and also in The Female Sex (Education) Space on Diem. You can read below for a recap of the third Session of this Series!

Session Three ‘Female Pleasure is Self-Care: Foreplay Yourself' Recap

Have any of you had any sexual experiences in which a sexual partner has just gone straight for your pussy? Before they had taken the time to foreplay and arouse your mind and whole body (not just your pussy and not just for 5 seconds)?

If your answer is 'yes' (the answer I received from Diem members in the Live Session), can you compare those experiences to any in which your yoni (the beautiful Indian Sanskrit term for the female genitalia) felt totally relaxed, aroused, lubricated, and open to receiving penetration/ pleasurable stimulation because your sexual partner had taken the time to relax, seduce, arouse, and foreplay your mind and body?

And, if so, which sexual experience did you get more pleasure out of?

When I asked this in the live chatroom, a Diem member responded:

“It’s always better when I’m like fully ready!”

(I’m sure many of us know exactly what she means by "fully ready!") When your mind, body, and yoni are “fully ready"when they are fully aroused and relaxed and when your yoni is lubricated after some fucking good foreplay and seduction (and, maybe, after the application of some lubricant if needed) this can make the stimulation of your yoni, including penetration (whether that is with fingers, a pleasure toy, dick, or a strap on), SO much more pleasurable!

Having said that, I now want to ask you this: when self-pleasuring, do any of you get into bed and put your fingers/ pleasure toys— whatever you're using to self-pleasure— straight on your clitorises or straight inside your vaginas?

Yes, there have been many times, when I am self-pleasuring, where going straight to my clitoris/ vagina is just what I wanted and needed at that time and I am regularly in the mood to do this. This may be the way in which you usually self-pleasure too: female self-pleasure is self-care, so no matter which way you induce this pleasure, you are promoting your own wellbeing by experiencing it. With that said, we could all benefit from knowing that this is not the only way that you can self-pleasure if you have a yoni and that, if you only ever go straight for your yoni, you could be limiting your body’s pleasure potential!

Why? If foreplay with a sexual partner can allow us to feel "fully ready” and experience more pleasure (than when they go straight to your pussy), do you not think that the same would apply to our self-pleasure experiences?

Usually, we think that foreplay is something you do to someone else— or something someone else does to you— before sex: but, you can actually FOREPLAY YOURSELF before you start playing with your yoni!

In the live chatroom, one Diem member replied:

“Wow I never thought about this!!!”

And many of you will also 'never have thought about this' because we are usually not taught to think about this! So, in many cases, girls and womxn are using their fingers/ picking up their pleasure toys and putting them straight on their clitorises/ in their vaginas because, when it comes to self-pleasuring, they have 'never thought about' doing anything else! (It is interesting that, even though my live chatroom Session on Diem was called, 'Female Pleasure is Self-Care: Foreplay Yourself', I originally received questions on tips for how to foreplay someone else and questions about someone else foreplaying us: emphasising how, usually, girls and womxn don't think of foreplaying themselves as even being a thing! This is exactly why I wanted to host this Session: to introduce you to foreplay as a solo self-care activity!)

When you foreplay your mind and body parts other than your pussy before you put your fingers or use pleasure toys on/ in your yoni, you can naturally induce heightened levels of relaxation, arousal, and vaginal lubrication, all of which allow your yoni to feel “fully ready", so that, when you do eventually start playing with your yoni, you can experience more pleasurable sensations than you may have even thought possible!

Just to clarify, I am not saying that there is a 'right' way to self-pleasure: the only thing that matters is what feels right and pleasurable for you. What I am saying is that the difference between the pleasure I feel when I go straight for my pussy with my fingers/ with my gemstone pleasure wands and then the pleasure that I feel when I really take the time to foreplay myself is unbelievable: and so, if you have a yoni, I want to empower you with the knowledge that you could also be experiencing SO much more pleasure than you may think you can just by adding foreplay into your self-pleasure and self-care routines (because of the importance that arousal and relaxation play when it comes to female pleasure)!

In the live Session, one Diem member typed out:

“so amazing, but how does one even begin?”

No, we can’t kiss our own necks or lick ourselves out, but we can be doing other things to foreplay ourselves, before putting our fingers— or pleasure toys— straight on/ in our pussies, to maximise our sexual arousal, relaxation, and pleasure! If you also want to know how you can add foreplay into your self-pleasure and self-care routines, click here for the 6 foreplay tips, which I shared in this Live Session.

Remember, always, that female pleasure is self-care and that the sexual relationship that you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have in your life.

The Female Sex (Education)