How to Add Foreplay into Your Self-Care Routines: 6 Tips from a Female Pleasure Expert

A New Self-Care Series, Brought to You by The Female Sex (Education)

My ‘Female Pleasure is Self-Care’ Series is going to be made up of Live Sessions, which you can attend every Monday at 10pm GMT on the Diem app to receive personalised female sexual pleasure and sexual confidence tips!

Female pleasure is self-care, so I want to do everything that I can to help you experience this for yourself: so come and talk to me every Monday at 10pm GMT on Diem, for your weekly dose of female sexual empowerment, as part of your self-care routine. If you missed one of the Sessions, don’t worry: a recap of each Session will be posted here, on the Diem Blog, and also in The Female Sex (Education) Space on Diem. You can read below for a recap of the 6 self-care tips on foreplay that I shared in the third Session of this Series!

6 Self-Care Tips on How to Foreplay Yourselves

Usually, we think that foreplay is something you do to someone else— or something someone else does to you— before sex: but, you can actually foreplay YOURSELF before you start playing with your pussy, to maximise your pleasure. So, if you are here to find out how you can add foreplay into your self-pleasure and self-care routines, there are 6 tips incoming for you to (fore)play around with!

Tip 1: Set A Mood

Usually, we self-pleasure because we want to indulge in pleasurable sensations: but, we can also self-pleasure for other reasons too. Self-pleasuring doesn’t have to always be about being horny: you can also self-pleasure, as part of your self-care routine, to increase your happiness/ to help you go to sleep/ to deeply relax/ calm/ soothe/ arouse/ energise/ refresh/ seduce/ love yourself and so on. So, just as you can set an intention for yourself, you can begin your self-pleasure practice with setting a mood for yourself: ask yourself, ‘what mood do I want to bring into the bedroom (or bathroom, or wherever you are foreplaying yourself) when I self-pleasure?’ After you have decided how you want to feel whilst you self-pleasure, start implementing into your self-pleasure routine things that help to induce that mood!

If your current mood is wanting to feel refreshed/ relaxed you can, for example, self-pleasure immediately after your morning/ nighttime skincare routine.

(Although, remember that, no matter what main mood it is you want to feel, feeling mentally and physically relaxed when you self-pleasure is always a very important mood to feel when you self-pleasure because the more relaxed your mind, body, and pussy feel, the more pleasurable sensations you will feel in your pussy!)

This is the first step to seducing and foreplaying your mind.

Tip 2: Sensory (Fore)Play

When we think of female self-pleasure, we usually just think about touching ourselves/ our yonis (the beautiful Indian Sanskrit word for the female genitalia). But, there is more to self-pleasuring than satisfying ourselves through touch! We can experience even more pleasure when all of our senses are being stimulated and gratified: so, try to incorporate your aesthetic (sight), gustatory (taste), aural (hearing), and olfactory (smell) senses— not just your tactile sense (touch)— into your foreplay. You can play around with temperature, music, lighting, scents (e.g. scented candles), and so on in a way that aligns with the mood (see Tip 1) that you want to induce.

For example, if your current mood is deep relaxation, you can diffuse lavender essential oil and drink chamomile tea or, if you want to feel more horny, you can listen to seductive music.

Tip 3: Get Comfy

Always remember that feeling totally relaxed is always necessary when it comes to maximising our sexual arousal and pleasure! So, pleasuring yourself somewhere that makes you feel relaxed, safe, supported, and comfortable (for example, on your bed) is an important part of your foreplay routine!

Tip 4: (Fore)Play with Erogenous Zones Other than Your Yoni

This is my favourite tip!

Using body oil, that is safe for vaginal use, as both a massage oil and a lubricant, can make massaging and gliding your fingers/ pleasure toy over your body and yoni a much smoother, more comfortable, and more pleasurable experience. This can literally feel sensational and can dramatically improve your self-pleasure experiences! I use sweet almond oil, which is safe for vaginal use, very moisturising, has a subtle, pleasant natural scent, and does not leave stains (so you don't have to worry if you are using it on your clean bed sheets)!

So, with the oil (or without if you would prefer), start sensually massaging, caressing, and playing with erogenous zones of your body, other than your yoni. Erogenous zones are bodily zones which, when stimulated in satisfying ways, can produce feelings of arousal and pleasure. Usually, people think that the tits and yoni are the only female erogenous zones. However, the exciting news is that you can discover erogenous zones all over the body: including the perineum (the skin between your vagina and anus); buttocks and anus; ears; cheeks; mouth (including lips and tongue); the front and back of the neck and shoulders; waist; navel; lower back; hands; inner thighs; back of the knees; as well as the soles of the feet and the toes.

So, allow your hands to go wherever you want them to on your body and implement whatever hand motions, pressures, and speeds you most enjoy, before you start playing with your yoni: until you feel so relaxed and aroused you can no longer resist going for your yoni!

Tip 5: Now You Can Play with Your Pussy!

You can now apply oil (again, if you want to) with your fingertips— and start gently stroking and massaging— all over the skin of your yoni, including your mons pubis, clitoris, inner and outer labia, and the surface of your vaginal opening: without putting your fingers inside yourself yet. You can combine this with applying some/ more oil to— and gently stroking— the erogenous skin around your yoni, including your perineum (the skin between your vagina and anus) and your inner thighs, for added pleasurable sensations. Implement different hand motions, pressures, and speeds that feel most satisfying for you: you can seduce and tease yourself with these until you literally cannot wait any longer to enter your yoni (that is, if you want to penetrate yourself).

6. When/If You’re Ready to Penetrate Yourself

You will know when your yoni is ready (you will literally feel when it is relaxed, aroused, and lubricated enough) to be penetrated by your fingers/ pleasure toy. If you want to, you can even apply some more oil, that is safe for vaginal use, onto your fingers/ onto your pleasure toy for extra lubrication. Many of you will probably notice how penetration with your fingers/ pleasure toy is so much easier, smoother, more comfortable, and more pleasurable than when you try to penetrate yourself without having first relaxed and aroused your mind, body, and yoni and without having first lubricated your yoni.

However deep you want to penetrate yourself with your fingers/ pleasure toy is totally up to you, what you feel most comfortable with, and what allows you to feel most pleasure: you may not even want to penetrate yourself at all and, if so, this is also totally fine. If you want to penetrate yourself but you still feel slightly tense or unrelaxed and this is making penetration difficult/ uncomfortable, take things slowly: even if you have to go back a few steps and repeat some of these foreplay tips. You can also try telling yourself that you love yourself and are 100% in safe hands as well as reminding yourself that self-pleasuring is part of your self-care routine: this can help your mind to relax, which then helps your body and your yoni to relax and open up to penetration in a way that maximises your comfort and pleasure.

When I shared these 6 tips in the live chatroom Session, ‘Female Pleasure is Self-Care: Foreplay Yourself', a Diem Member responded:

"Wow I never would have thought about treating myself that way".

If this also applies to you, I hope that you can treat yourselves to some foreplay today/ tonight, as part of your self-care routine.

Remember, always, that female pleasure is self-care and that the sexual relationship that you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have in your life.

The Female Sex (Education)